Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
