i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
