Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dick very happy bro
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
