she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
