well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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