I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
