Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
