just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
