We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
