what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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