you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He felt like a one man threesome
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
