yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Panties = found
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
