i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
