If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
