I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
