I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
