Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
