He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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