after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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