If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
