haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
