I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
