smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
