the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
