you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
