In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
