It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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