too bad you live with your parents still
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
