I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
