he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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