one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
