My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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