people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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