He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
