I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
