Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
false alarm, still single
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