dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
