6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Semen is not good for contacts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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