I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
