I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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