"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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