I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
