i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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