She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
