My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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