Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
