fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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