she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
