So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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