Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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