my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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