Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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