I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
