At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
